“Reveal not every secret you have to a friend, for how can you tell but that
friend may hereafter become an enemy. And bring not all mischief you
are able to upon an enemy, for he may one day become your friend.”—Saadi (1184 - 1291)
Despite waking up to a text from B, gag me, I had the most productive day! I turned in my application to be part of the Center For Service In Action Funding Board and finally was able to pass/not pass my Astronmy class. And boy, that was QUITE a journey! I luckily ran into my friend M, and we walked to all the places we needed to go to finally end up at the Registrar.
I ran into N too. It wasnt so bad. At least he initated eye contact compared to last time. And I’m also wary about the whole C coming down to hang out. I’m not really close to her and I don’t know what we’ll do!
I JUST GOT BACK FORM THE BOOOZE CRUISE!!! SO FREAKEN AWESOME. DRUNK BLOGGING AND SO FUN! ahhahaa kevin pickedm e up from norte and we went to eat del taco. SO GOOD. I LVE DRUNK MUNCHIES! ahhaha and plus i aksed him abotu the formal (refer to presiouv bl;og) and even HE doesnt have adate yet!! ahahaha oh dear!
i had a wonderful purging talk with L about M today! so refrehsing! Gen was dlieious too! I had the TNT Roll!! so good!! kk off to bed i go!!
I asked Him again about my jacket. Why do I do this to myself? I’m always waiting and I despise waiting. My heart is going on overdrive. I hate feeling like this. I makes me unbearably sad. I am in an awfully sad mood. Someone please cheer me up. Anyone.
Today I had the most flattering experince. In class I had two guys to my left and one guy to the other side of the guy I was sitting next to, leaned over and wrote on his friends notebook. Later on in class I looked over wondering WHY this dude hadnt taken a single note wn, and saw that his friend had written “cute” with an arrow pointed in my direction. Needless to day I was ECSTATIC.
Is it bad that the highlight of my day is not going to econ discussion and NOT seeing Bradley today? I dont know why, but I get nauseous when I think of him. Even hangning out with him! ..And he wants to hang out. But I don’t. Sighh. WHAT DO I DO? I don’t want to be mean! I know he’s looking for friends, but he is not the type of person I want to be friends with. He gives me the creeps. Friends don’t give friends creeps.
I fear alot of things in life. What I fear most is losing those around me. I don’t ever like to think that as life goes on I will lose friends. As selfish and odd as it sounds, I adore friendship, maybe more so than I do currently with family (because they are a constant love, while friendship is bulit upon). Some may say that I may even lean too much on friendhips. I can’t help it, nor can I change it. It is how it is. I am a people person and til I die, I will be like that.
Something that goes along the line with that is Influence. Influence is a great factor in the application of friendship. Your influence is how you retain friendships and how you project onto others. Somthing I fear, is my most recent blunder having me lose friendships left and right. Am I imagining such loss? Or is it truely happening. I am too afraid to find out.
In reality, I think that I can just compose a little message of an apology and press send, but I fear the rejection. Is it pride also? No, I don’t think. Some say that it is nice to throw out your feelings or “at least you got what you felt out there”. No. I refuse, that has happened to me already and I do not enjoy the aniticipations of reciprication that will never happen.
I think as of now, it is the approach and the inevitable “opening” up. I don’t want to explain myself, and I don’t want to prove myself. But why do I feel such conflicting fears with my many wants? I want too much, and I expect too much.
Its hard for me to be friends with A now. Because J is his sister and this loyalities lie with her, not me. N is the boyfriend of J and his loyalities are greater than thie false sense of sisterhood he has with me. How easily do bonds break from one little mistake. Oh well, I only miss what I used to have. It is/was not a necessity, so I guess I’m alright.
I let Him borrow my jacket. Not gonna lie, its a freaken legit jacket. Its purple, and pink, and teal. It is a throwback 90s jacket for real, and I let Him borrow it. AND HE HAS NOT GIVEN IT BACK TO ME. I gave EVERYTHING back, and the one thing he has is my jacket and HE LET SOMEONE BORROW IT.
The reason why I put that quote up so much is becuase I need the reminder that not everything I want will go my way. Not everyone will want me as a friend, not everyone will like me, and not everyone will understand who I am.
I am my own person.
A person who still needs to find who they are.
A person who is still learning.
A person who still is learning the harsh lessons of life.
I would not be the person I am if it were not the people who come and go in my life. If They didnt leave my life in the first place, I never would have met the people I met now. Life consists of losing people, I just have to embrace the real world now. I am growing up. Temper tantrums no longer apply.
Today I was told I was practically glowing. I think it is becuase I found an interest. I thrive on loving, and I thrive on crushes. I have a crush and I am estatic. I AM a happier person, and I DO smile much more. Why does a guy have this much of an effect on me?
.. Well, nonetheless, I am happy to finally be able to say that I am happy. :)
The end of my day wasn’t to swell though. In the end, I learned that I have amazing roomates who I am lucky to call my friends and I learned my lesson that I am much to navie for my own good.
Jonathan, Chery, Clifton, Thanh, COLIN <3, Lindsay, Mike, Kevin, and Bradley my dream boat.
I finally had the courage to ask my DreamBoat for his full name to add him on Facebook.. TOO BAD THEYRE LIKE 593 searches for his name! FML. ohwell, I’ll just have to ask him tmmrw in class! Hehe. Weird thing was that he saw me in a sad mood, and I think it threw him off. Well, people are entitled thier off-days.
And I had a slow-mo moment with Him today. It was really funny acutally. I was walking on Ring Road towards Starbucks and right before I hit the yellow pillar things, I see Him riding his bike. It literally was like in the movies. My line of sight had him all 180 degress within my neck turning ablilty. I watched Him move from right to left past me as his little flips on his beanie flicked goodbyes. He didn’t see me, but I’m grateful for it becuase I was pretty much gawking. I wasn’t blown away from His looks. I mean, that was not the reason for my speechlessness, but I think I was more blank. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t react. I only watch, and gawked. Oh well, life continues right? The ship has sailed and It doesn’t want to dock.
I also got majorly owned by Colin today :( It has been a full school year since I have seen that fool, and he doesnt want to visit me in Norte. I had brownies and milk waiting for him too! Bugga. I think he was doubting his vist because I wasn’t talking to him as much on Facebook Chat. Some people don’t mind if you don’t talk to them for a while, but I think he got a little awkard with it. I mean, if I was going to see him in like 30 mins, why would I talk to him online when I get to in person? As Hannah Said would say, I got owned. Boo. But its raining. It signifies a new beginning. Tomorrow will be a new day and I will start anew and begin my path of a dedicated college student.
Up and down, and up and down. Today has been the most oddest day thus far. I woke up from dozing back and forth for about two hours. I finally rolled out of bed at 11:45 and it was a wonderful lazy awakening. It was a slow morning though. I immdiately turned onto my side, grabbed my bright pink Anthro book, and proceeded to catch up with my reading. It was a productive time.
I showered and felt refreshed. I made me myself a preheated brunch that I packed from home, a little bowl of home, and enjoyed every bite that my dad lovingly prepared for me. I had planned on have curled hair today, but the braid that I threw my hair back into wasnt drying fast enough and blow drying wasnt speeding the process either. I gave up. I unraveled my braid and dried my hair, whipped out my curling iron and proceeded to curl my hair, spritzing hair spray every other time. They werent the curls I had in mind, but curls nonetheless. I spent my sweet time reading and getting ready for class. Clothes were thrown left and right, outfits were analyzed and put together. I finally decided on my 3/4 sleeve bib top, black tights, and my new black booties. I was content. Not ecstatic, but satisfied.
I got home from campus around 7:30 and I had the apt to myself for a bit and it was wonderful. I made me some comfortable Mac n’ Cheese and watched The Hills. Very relaxing. Then Hannah came home, and chaos ensued. We had a ball talking and wrecking havoc on poor, undeserving Shannon. Note to self: we muct name our home base soon. I peaked around 10:30, and crashed from my hyper state of body and mind around 11. I should be reading… but I just cant seem to concentrate. I hope tmmrw is much more productive. I have alot on my plate right now…
Well, before I go on a rant of what has been bugging the heck out of me, I would like to congratulate myself on FINALLY cleaning my room. I now have enough hangers to hang all of my clothes up and I sure did breath out a sigh of relief once I got every thing all organized… I wonder how long this will last. I also just had lunch with Kevin and it was so nice. He’s such a nice guy and very nurturing by nature. I love it. I really really like him. Not the attracted like, but more of a, lets-be-friends-forever like. It really makes my heart swell with happiness. I adore him so much. And he totally told me a secret that he entrusted me with! He’s going to he Ben’s big! I’m actually really really jealous. Haha, I would adore to have him as my Big.
Anyhow, my roomate just came into my room and was tried to get me to put away all the dishes that are filling up the sink. Those are not my dishes and I am not going to do anything that I personally did not contribute to. And turns out my other roomaate has been using all my pads. Come’on I onyl bring enough for me to last two cycles and she uses them. Its not fair. And she says that she bought a big box of kotex? Thats not enough. I’m am not down, plus she used my regular flow ones too. Light days are not going to cover it. I’m kinda upset, but its to late for me to say anything now. Sigh. I’ll have to wait til it happens again so I can speak up. I have to continually speak up again about my refusal on cleaning her side of the sink. I don’t use it, so why bother? The toliet and bathtub, I understand. But the sink is her own deal. Don’t even.
Today seems like a long thus far too. I have alot of reading to catch up on, but I plan on doing it all in the bath once I’m done with all my classes today. I have to read all my readings in prepartion for my Anthro 169 quiz on Wednesday and I have an astronomy quiz on friday too. It’ll be hard to prioritzie this week because there is so much going on.
I’m also at a moral conflict too. There’s this girl Molly. She’s super chill and fun to go out with, but as a friend or, should I say person, she is not the nicest person out there. I’m always nice to her and I approach her at times, but like, I feel as though my loyalties arent striaght. I really enjoy my freindship with Mollys previous roomate Lindsay but, hmmm. Well, no one said I had to choose right? Yeah, whatever. I think I’m making this too big of a deal in my head.
I used to think that I would enjoy late mornings in, but turns out I’m not too big of a fan! Maybe becuase of my cycle, but I’m not sure. Lately I have been waking up and I’ve been blue and moody. I’m not to keen on starting my day, but then I feel like getting out of my apt is what will make my day seem as though it will officially start.
I feel really behind in my studies already too! I have so much reading and I’m behind already. The differnce with college work and high school work is that at high school. the teachers nagged and printed out the homework. Here at college we have to read it ourselves on out our time without the teacher nagging us every moment of the class.
Oh, I do love facebook though. Sometimes it makes me sad, but I do that to myself. I creep so much I feel as though I do nothing with my life.
Blogging is harder than I thought. I write more to my friends than I do here. I think its because there is no intended audience. Hmmm. Well, as of now, this is enough. I have some reading to attend to.
I dont know what cuased me to dream such a dream, but it was very odd. I dont even think I was even part of the dream. I was an onlooker? There was a nurse, I assume who is me, who worked in a hospital. i guess there was some Earth epidemic so people were quarentined in the hospital. I was designated the childrens ward. There was this little blonde boy who was my little helper. He was any normal boy who I had no special relationship with. I dont reall remmeber the details but we were watching a movie, like how you did in grade school on a rainy day. All dark and intimate with everyone. Well he got up to go to the restroom and he had a runny nose, a bloody nose. You know when you smear your nose as a child? He had done that, but with blood on his face. It was quite startling. He wasnt too suprised and turns out he had diabetes and had an inevitable death because of other illnesses he has. All of a sudden the scenery changed and it was him, cuddling up my leg with theses huge watery eyes. He looking up to me with his fist balled up against his mouth as though he had a huge secret that he never wanted to tell, and there I felt as though my heart would explode.
My day started off officially at 10:30 today. I suprisingly didn’t wake up while my roomate was getting ready for work. I woke up and took a shower. I took an incredibly long time getting ready for school which invovled a long shower, finding the right outfit to wear to my ASUCI interview and doing my makeup.
Haha, I feel bad too becase I pretty much forced my roomate to uproot her boots that I like to wear with my outfit. :P
I RAN to the bus stop… and missed it. I had lunch with Vinh today. That was a pleasant surprise too. It was lovely. We ate our Wendy’s right outside the ASUCI office to get the “vibe” of my pre-interview jitters.
My interview: I was so nervous. But moreso after I walked out of the room. I felt as though I had only known SPOP, and all my answers were SPOP orientated. Buhh. and suprisingly, I was the only asian in my group interview. The freshman girl was little sister to the previous Concert Commissioner (shoo in for sure) and two white Greek guys who are HAs in AV and Norte. Leadership positions to the max. There I was.. a little naive shpomore. MOLD ME, ASUCI, MOLD ME.
Fun fact: I ran into Sherwynn at UTC and she is always so nice and comfortable… approachable!
Then ran into more spoppers at my next discussion… which prevented me from riding the bus with my greeneyed god to AV (swoon). Another note on a hottie, Alex totally invited me to the SAEs White Party… made me so happy and ready to let go the horrid interview.
Just had a lovely evening with Jake, Hannah, and Shannon too! We walked to the ARC field where we rolled down the hills inbetween the Girls’ Ultimate Frisbee Club and Intermural Soccer. Yes, that is what we did. It was ridiculous. And oh so fun; til I hit Jakes head a tad to hard.
Nothing much to complain today. I am about as happy as a clam. And it doesn’t hurt that I no classes til 2 pm tomorrow!